Mirror...

I recognize the face in the mirror...but not the eyes, my favorite feature.

They don't look like mine anymore....

 

 

 

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" you'll meet her. She's very pretty , even though she's sometimes sad for many days at a time. You'll see, when she smiles, you'll love her."

~Pans Labyrinth

 

 

 

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Footsteps...

Constantly searching...coming close but not finding.

My feet are getting tired...

Making me start to wonder what is it I'm really looking for anymore.

 

Posted with Blogsy

Eh..

Morbid ass thought...but everyone's entitled to one. Sometimes I truly do want to disappear. Just wonder sometimes who'd notice I was gone. Not suicidal or anything crazy like tht...but when u feel taken for granted...sometimes you can't help but wonder what would happen if you just weren't there....like...who are you REALLY important to? Just thinking...too much thinking...

 

 

 

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What I thought was disappointment is manifesting itself as flat out anger...all while the gap is widening. So what do u say when you don't know what else to say...or do for that matter....

 

You say nothing.

 

Wondering why....sometimes.

You ever wonder...sometimes watching those around you...weather you know them personally or not....Why God just "sees it" for some people and not necessarily for others...or correction...not in the same ways...

 

Everyone isn't destined to live lavishly...people have callings, I get that. I know what God has for me is for ME and it may not be whats meant for someone else and vice vera...But I can't help but wonder...with no jealousy lacing it...WHY him/her...but not me ... (yet). I've got such a dynamic circle...it's very small. But as I get older and wiser I much prefer it that way more often that not...I've got friends on their grind, I don't have a lazy bunch around me. Just can't help but wonder sometimes...am i not grindingnhard enough? Am i missing something somewhere? was I not destined for that life? If no....then why not? I know better than to question God and the way he moves so I'm just gonna call this me thinking outloud...

I see the pics, the cars, the trips, the obvious success and money flowing...and for them...I'm happy. 100% happy to see those I love happy, but wondering...when's it my turn? Do I get to go shopping just because, get the house, the closets, the car, the LIFE....that you only read about or see on tv but don't think real life people outside of celebrities live it? Don't get me wrong, it's really not about the material , although I'm not gonna lie like some of that isn't cool as hell to have...it's about living the life of less worries. Your bills are paid, nothing's getting cut off, no need to call and make payment arrangements, no juggling, being able to take care of those around you..that life of comfort and security...it almost seems unreal sometimes...but it's so very not.

Everything has a season, all in due time. I'm very VERY thankful for all I have, and how far I've come, But I guess...when I'm juggling struggles every now and then...I just can't help but wonder...when's it my turn...?

 

 

Hello..

...the way that you protect your friends

Baby, I respect you for that

And when you grow, you take everyone you love along,

I love that shit.

...don't fly me away

Don't need to buy a diamond key to unlock my heart
You shelter my soul
You're my fire when I'm cold
I want you to know

You had me at hello
Hello
Hello
You had me at hello
Hello
Hello
It was many years ago
Baby when you
Stole my cool
Cause you had me at hello...

Gotta feel you and be near you
You're the air that I breathe to survive
Gotta hold you, wanna show you
That without you my sun doesn't shine
You don't have to try so hard for me to love you
Boy, without you my life just ain't the same
You don't have to try so hard for me to love you
You had me at hello....

Still one of my all time faves by Mrs. Beyonce' Giselle Knowles-Carter...so relevant sometimes...just the kinda zone I'm in today....

Love...real, raw love....there's nothing like it.