But it's true, I am and I am. I'm the most talented lost person I know. Crazy as it sounds...I've gone through muuuuch transition surrounding the last few months of this year...from working a steady job...that was paying well, but I lacked ALL passion for what I was doing, and it essentially had become a dead end. I'd ALWAYS said I'd leave a job before I stayed somewhere that made me miserable. Money isnt, and has never been enough to hold me...and among many crazy looks, and are u sures and all that...I quit. In 4 years I'd been promoted 3 times, and truthfully had no where else to go with THAT company...I realized I'd never be happy there, so I made my exit. Took some time to get my mind right...still doin that now. I'm confident in my skills, confident in ME...but I don't know how to....market myself...and thats where I'm hitting a wall. I'm a makeup artist my trade, a damn good one at that, and 100% self taught might I add. Work featured on websites, my own site ( which needs updating) random magazines....but ATL is so over saturated with MUA's I'm kinda like....wow. Everyone's a photographer, makeup artist, model, producer, singer, rapper, something now a days...and I don't wanna just fall in with the rest...
Also I'm a writer, I have been my whole life...even my closest friends don't know the extent of the things I've written...
Wardrobe...I can dress ANYONE...male, female, child...I can dress you...from the shoes to the clothes to the accessories etc....but that's an over saturated market as well....everyone wants the flashy careers...but for an array of diff reasons. I don't need the lights camera action of it all...I just want to sincerely ENJOY what I do and if I can squeeze out a living while I'm at it even better...
For me it's no longer about a job....it's about a career, and passion for what I'm doing...work that speaks...
What's a girl to do? Don't get me wrong....no woe is me over here. I'm very determined, very strong...but at a very frustrating point in my life...I could easily snag an office job, workin a 9-5' collecting a steady check and being BORED out my ass.....but paid. I just don't feel like that's me...anymore. I'd really feel like I was going backwards...but what's needed to go forward. Just getting a pinky toe in the door would be enough for me to pry it open at this point in my life...but I'm feeling like I'm just overflowing with so much.....to create with nothing and no where to spill it onto. I know....in my bones...down deep....I'm destined for something huge....not the spotlight...but something so huge...the getting there part is alluding me right now though and I'd be lying if I said it didn't frustrate upset and scare me cause while I'm sitting here trying to figure out where to turn next...times still steady ticking away....i put alot of pressure on myself to figure this shit out and do SOMETHING already...."sigh, but just anything won't do. I keep getting told I'm not meant to be working for someone else,but u don't just wake up one day and start working for you....it's not an overnight thing....it's the steps leading up that have me so lost. The people around me have the dopest support systems in place....helping fuel their endeavors, weather it's a positive word, or a foot in the door, while me...I kinda feel like I'm flailing...and almost drowning several times out here by myself, but a small part of me feels like that's for a reason. I'm supposed to do this alone....so when alls said and done ....I know it was all ME. I dunno, maybe I'm idealistic, maybe I'm flat out wrong, only time will tell. But I guess having that cheering section would feel pretty good sometimes...looks so....powerful....but I'm on the outside looking in, cause I know with the cheering comes pressure. I'm not afraid of pressure...I'm afraid of making it to the top and looking around to see no one to celebrate that with.....
That...I knew you could do it, I always believed In you....or even just a hug or a good job at the end of a long ass rough ass road goes a loooong way....
But so far I've seen that talent alone isn't gonna cut it in this day and age...not anymore...I've come a long way...but i have so much farther left to go....
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