Double or Nothing...

Earth shaking when you realize you've lost your chance huh? Life lesson's learned I guess...but it stings no less...

Double or Nothing...





Gotta love happy endings...Even when they aren't your own...(just wish it didn't sting so bad...)

Life ....revisited PT.2

Ok first off lemmie apologize cuz I been slackin on my pimpin...I haven't been much of a blogger lately...Life's been carryin my along pretty quickly lately.

I recently got back from NY and as usual I always miss my city. *tear*
My pics are postcard worthy but i TOOK these, lol









Anyhoo, my trips home are always ....interesting for lack of a better word (thesaurus) lol

Let's start with the "Case of the Ex"...You can officially put a fork in that one. Thats done. (and has been for QUITE some time, And oddly enough...I don't feel so bad. I thought I would. But I think its a combination of knowing A. He's never gonna be the man I need him to be. B. I'm always gonna love me more than he EVER will...and C. I DESERVE way better!

He played himself royally this trip.(No surprise there) No need for the details...It's a pretty wack story. Let's just say its like the shutter's were opened after years of being in a dim room.




(No tryin to be poetic or all cheesy) But I saw/see him totally different after my most recent visit home. The "flame" had definitely gone out long ago. It's the end of an era...lol. But I don't regret it, I have good memories...and I have some that will ALWAYS make me cry. But it is what it is...You live, learn and move on. Hakuna Matata (it means "No Worries") Buahahhahahhaa!! *the LION KING people!!*




Wish him the best tho... ;-) I guess he'll make SOME woman ("ahem girl) really happy one day...Just not THIS woman ;-)


Now I DID get to see some of my BEST buddies/homies like my baby boy/bff /dude/buddy lol Frank White while i was home. And it felt just like old times. Like i never missed a beat. Guess that's how it always is when you're around friends/people that love/understand u. They're a HUGE part of what I miss so much about NY. There's NOTHING that compares to having people in your life that know you, accept u flaws and all, don't judge u, and love u REGARDLESS of it all at the end of the day





There's a person or three i DIDN'T get to see, but a week is never long enough...so there's always next time.

But I DID get to spend a good amount of time with one of the most IMPORTANT people in my life...(spoke abt him in a previous post) But He's my best friend, and is ALWAYS there for me rain/shine without fail, and has gone and will still go above and beyond for me without ANY hesitation.

I've NEVER had anyone in my life that compares to him and like i said in the other post im LUCKY, forget that BLESSED to have him.

I'm tryin to not make this too long and drawn out, but f*@k it this is MY blog, lol.

He's sums up everything there is to sum up about friendship/love.

And he definitely contributed a HUGE part to how much I enjoyed my trip home. Couldn't PAY me to let this one go... ;-) His kind is rare, and i LOVE him for it.

I've come back to the "A" already thinkin about my NEXT visit, as well as feeling alot LIGHTER (lol) alot more at ease, alot happier, and alot more focused.

It's amazing how emotionally exhausting things can be til they just don't matter anymore. I'm breathing easy now.

My priorities are in order FINALLY, and I can see quite CLEARLY who matters, who dosent, and who has my best interest at heart.


Til next time...



Deuces...

Insanity...

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
~ Albert Einstein~

I think I've been "insane" for too long.

Smh...

Deuces!

A case of the X...

So yeah everyones got one... A "HIM"...
That no matter HOW much you're done with...

can still call u up after a long as day and months of not talking. And get into a heated debate with over who's fault it was that things ended the way they did...(Three years later...) And the emotions that coincided with that point in time can still be dragged back up.

"sigh...*slaps forehead"

I was peachy til the blasted phone rang
and i had to do a double take at the freakin number...

Havent heard that voice (or thought about hearing it...) in forever. But after 5 minutes of cordial convo...it heats up!

and fast...

Next thing i know we're talking over eachother and yelling and its no ones fault all over again.... Then (after and hour of this bullshit) the convo ends...peacefully enough...with a truce...(for now) And an "i'll hit u up tomorrow" which may or may not happen...

He and I...(we'll just call him "G") have been at this since i was 21...and he was 24...

We we're kids...now we're both PAST grown and still gettin under eachothers skin like it was day 1...with no end in site.

900 miles ( at the moment) seperate us...yet all it takes is an hour long phone convo to bring it all crashing back... What is it?...I KNOW im not the only one with a "HIM". If you say i am ...u bitches are LYING!

And even though I'd love to stay mad and say eff him...human nature wont let me remember the bad...without also reminding me of the good...( there was alot of both ) It's...thought provoking at the very least...the "what if's" , the "should i's" the "remember when's" that make me laugh, smile to myself, get mad as all hell and hate him, or make me cry cuz i wish i had some of it back...

These are the times i hate being a girl...we're more emotion driven by nature...Guys seem to have that "off switch" and they can flick that shyt at the speed of light... Or maybe thats just how they "play hard" to us...

Lol, I like to think dudes go home and cry in their pillows the way we do...lol (i know that shyts a stretch) But yeah..tonight was my latest encounter with "HIM" and now im up at 1:30 am, still all hype, still thinking, now typing, and torn between blocking him out and wishing i could go back to "back then" knowing what i know now about me, him...life...everything.

As much as i can beat myself over the head wondering...WHY do i even answer the damn phone.. The follow-up question/comment is ..."Well shyt...why's he still CALLING? It's never ending...and i truly believe some people will end up in your life in some way shape or form...forever...I think he's one of those... Wether thats good or bad..i dont know...But it just is...

I'm not DAFT (yeah i said "Daft" screw u...read a book) enough to think we'll end up back together all peachy and shyt...But there's definately SOMETHING...

What to call it , i have no clue...but its something...
The old addage..."everything happens for a reason" i guess it's true... So we'll see...but heavy is th mind of "ME" right now...all cuz of "HIM"


Peace...