Lost Among the lights....

.....blowing the dust off the cover, haven't been here in a while...and I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore...but maybe that's what I needed.


I'm home again, NY NY .... Home....is such a weird word to me know. NY is buried deep in my heart and it's what makes me me, so it is and will always be my home. But what happens when you go home....and feel lost...not physically lost like can't find your way around lost, but lost like....where do I belong lost. the hustle and pace of the city is what I love about it so so much, but at the same time it can make you feel quite....insignificant. Lost among the pace, the faces, the speed, the lights...I've never felt so disconnected to that and those that I love so much ever before in my life and it's a jarring feeling....so jarring that I'm in the city that holds my heart and I'm crying now more than I have in months. Scary as shit. For real. Ny'ers are a rare breed....I pride myself on being one. That ability to just fall in line with the melee. I think I can for the first time in 32 years fully grasp what it means to feel alone in a room full of people. I'm in a city of millions....and I can't remember the last time I felt this completely alone.....well correction lonely. Cabbin it back to my room last night was the first time the lights of manhattan made me feel anything less than happiness, excitement, nostalgia , for the first time I felt...slightly sad.....I'm a loner by nature,..I love and hate that about myself all at once...but feeling LONLEY....yeah no good. Maybe the me that lived here 5 years ago and the me thats evolved and grown .... Feel displaced here now,.easy to feel small in a city so big, I dunno, I'm over thinking maybe, I'm just venting...and there is no end or conclusion to this piece....this is just me getting some stuff out, better out than in right?

Life ....revisited PT.2

Ok first off lemmie apologize cuz I been slackin on my pimpin...I haven't been much of a blogger lately...Life's been carryin my along pretty quickly lately.

I recently got back from NY and as usual I always miss my city. *tear*
My pics are postcard worthy but i TOOK these, lol









Anyhoo, my trips home are always ....interesting for lack of a better word (thesaurus) lol

Let's start with the "Case of the Ex"...You can officially put a fork in that one. Thats done. (and has been for QUITE some time, And oddly enough...I don't feel so bad. I thought I would. But I think its a combination of knowing A. He's never gonna be the man I need him to be. B. I'm always gonna love me more than he EVER will...and C. I DESERVE way better!

He played himself royally this trip.(No surprise there) No need for the details...It's a pretty wack story. Let's just say its like the shutter's were opened after years of being in a dim room.




(No tryin to be poetic or all cheesy) But I saw/see him totally different after my most recent visit home. The "flame" had definitely gone out long ago. It's the end of an era...lol. But I don't regret it, I have good memories...and I have some that will ALWAYS make me cry. But it is what it is...You live, learn and move on. Hakuna Matata (it means "No Worries") Buahahhahahhaa!! *the LION KING people!!*




Wish him the best tho... ;-) I guess he'll make SOME woman ("ahem girl) really happy one day...Just not THIS woman ;-)


Now I DID get to see some of my BEST buddies/homies like my baby boy/bff /dude/buddy lol Frank White while i was home. And it felt just like old times. Like i never missed a beat. Guess that's how it always is when you're around friends/people that love/understand u. They're a HUGE part of what I miss so much about NY. There's NOTHING that compares to having people in your life that know you, accept u flaws and all, don't judge u, and love u REGARDLESS of it all at the end of the day





There's a person or three i DIDN'T get to see, but a week is never long enough...so there's always next time.

But I DID get to spend a good amount of time with one of the most IMPORTANT people in my life...(spoke abt him in a previous post) But He's my best friend, and is ALWAYS there for me rain/shine without fail, and has gone and will still go above and beyond for me without ANY hesitation.

I've NEVER had anyone in my life that compares to him and like i said in the other post im LUCKY, forget that BLESSED to have him.

I'm tryin to not make this too long and drawn out, but f*@k it this is MY blog, lol.

He's sums up everything there is to sum up about friendship/love.

And he definitely contributed a HUGE part to how much I enjoyed my trip home. Couldn't PAY me to let this one go... ;-) His kind is rare, and i LOVE him for it.

I've come back to the "A" already thinkin about my NEXT visit, as well as feeling alot LIGHTER (lol) alot more at ease, alot happier, and alot more focused.

It's amazing how emotionally exhausting things can be til they just don't matter anymore. I'm breathing easy now.

My priorities are in order FINALLY, and I can see quite CLEARLY who matters, who dosent, and who has my best interest at heart.


Til next time...



Deuces...

Am I the only one...

That is soooo sick of how people have all of a sudden jumped on Biggie's DICK since N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S dropped?!

I mean I'm FROM Brooklyn, I grew up on B.I.G, and I remember when "Juicy" dropped! Now the movie comes out and now EVERYONE's a Biggie fan...(excuse me while I throw up).

I mean granted...it's to be expected. But to me a TRUE fan was down from day one, not just when the shyt got hot to the rest of the world. People are sheep...and 95% of the worlds population isn't capable of drawing their own conclusions...They just jump on the bandwagon. I knew all that would happen when the movie dropped, but I guess now that I'm seeing it..I'm like..."ugh!

One of my lil homegirls...(who shall remain nameless) Came to me and i SWEAR this is how the convo went...(she's 17)....

Her: OMG! Did you see Notorious?!
Me: No, going to see it tonight...Why?
Her: OMG I like LOOOOVE Biggie now...
Me: *rolling my eyes*...ok Why do you love Biggie now?
Her: Cuz he's a G!
Me: "sigh...He's a G?! That's why you love him now...? Not cuz his lyrics are the illest? Or cuz of his flow?
Her: huh?
Me: .....ok. Well I'm glad you liked the movie
Her: I'mma go home and take down all my Lil Wayne posters and put up nothing but Biggie...
Me: *shaking my head" ok then...Bye (insert name here)...

I mean..."sigh...

My SECOND case in point...I'm FROM NYC, born and raised. I've in ATL (For the moment)
Only been here a couple years...(barf x2) I miss NY...but i digress...

JSW went to one of the clubs down here since he's here visiting...(he's from NY too)
He told me it was cool, the spot was packed and they bumped mad B.I.G most of the night...

So ok...I'm like wtf?! What clubs in the "A" bump B.I.G like that?! He was like they did that night...I was like, of course...(rolls eyes).

So needless to say N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S is a must see...but all the bandwagon shyt...is geigh!


Peace!