Monday, December 5, 2011

Year end or just because...rambling.

Got this idea from my favorite to try a post like this...might be therapeutic. So here goes.

I wish you didn't love me....seriously, or maybe not quite so damn much shit. I've never been more confused about life than I have been the last 2 months. Why do you try so hard? Then not at all, then harder than,get a therapist. How old is too old? I love you, you love me, but something's different. You're the first person for me to decide I want in my life in any capacity I can have you. I'm scared to death to lose you....but maybe that's how he's feeling about me. You can't make someone fall in love with you, you can't force it. Stop. Im jealous of your relationship with her. I can admit it. Once upon a time there was nothing I wouldn't have done for you, how does it make you feel knowing I'll never be that again? you KNOW you come off like a major attention whore and it's clear your overcompensating all over the Internet? Feel free to stop. It's kinda nauseating. Everyone can't be your "best friend" cut it out. Please don't think just cause I don't say much I don't see me I see EVERYTHING, he's alot like me in tht way....I don't enjoy driving, put me back on the NYC subways and I'll be juuuuust fine. Stop frontin so hard, no one cares I promise, and unless u plan to be buried in all that "designer vintage" I don't see where it's gonna get you.... U must've been made fun of as a child, shit maybe even more so as an adult. But one more one cares....I admire your work ethic but something about u dosent sit well with me, never been one for by any means necessary/ruthless business networking is a necessary evil...I had no idea you were such a like that off the keyboard too? business minded as you are, burning bridges is NEVER smart. I'm business minded...but I'm missing some key component somewhere. I miss kissing, like deep passionate leave you out of breath kissing, is it possible to love but not be attracted to?.... Am I a bitch for that? You're not as...."sexy" as you think. Sometimes I feel like life is that moving sidewalk at the airport. Everyone's on it, while I'm walking dragging my suitcase...I'm not into girls, guess u didn't know that, but if I were you're not even my type lol. Friends are the family you choose, you're closer to me than blood, which I'm grateful for and sometimes sad about all at once. You're so awkward socially, I can still see the nervousness, but it's only cause I know you so well....we were SO tight once and now u disgust me. I hope figuring yourself out was worth losing someone that was down for you no matter what, can't lie I, still hurts to know that you thought so little of me and my friendship that it was worth the gamble, oh but I still love me right? Remember have a daughter.... that's all I'm gonna say. You don't think before you speak and it's coming back to bite you in the ass. I'm glad you found someone willing to stay but that just makes me wonder wtf is wrong with HER, lol sorry but it's true, and kinda sad. Desperation maybe? Unlike Drake I like sleeping alone. If I could turn back time....but can't so lets not go there. I miss songs in A minor for so many reasons. Why or better yet how do u have so much $$ when you come off so unintelligent? Another online persona? Not you too... Oh just add it in with the rest. I'm sorry your work dosent impress me, ...some of the most talented people I know are wasting it. OMG if I pay you will you stfu and never tweet/FB again? You're never coming over, I'm never inviting you, you'll never have my address, or know where i live stop hinting. Um....I don't like you like tht and I'm not sorry. Raise a man to understand his emotions, but don't raise a man to be a cryer. I can't be the one always wiping your tears...* Riley freeman voice* nigga you gay. Who told you, you were sexy...ole bird chested ass, have a seat thanks. I feel like a wild woman, a lioness when my hair is curly, I think that's why I'm missing it. Please don't tell me how you want me to do my job, thanks. We are not alike...and i know you wish we were...I see through you, no for real, I do.I hate to say it but its true....I see why she cheated. Sorry. But man the fuck up. I think women only want a man to be sensitive to a degree, lol. Don't out sensitive me please. When you say u love me I get butterflies, when he says he loves ,me I get uncomfortable. .....yo you are NOT deep, you're just not, listening to Esperanza, smoking weed, burning incense, and writing bad poetry that dosent make sense dosent make you roots-n-culture it makes u an effin weirdo. I swear if your a bad tipper I get embarrassed that I'm out with you. I swear if you make me walk on the outside of the street I don't think you're a gentleman anymore. I swear I miss when dudes opened your car door, makes me smile when valets do it, and that's hella sad. I miss the vibe of LA...I don't see myself in ATL forever, would Love to rekindle my affair with NY. People that insist on living their lives in the exact same place scare me. You're not more driven than me, nor are u more talented, u just kissed all the right asses. Point blank. I kinda don't feel...protected with you which makes me not wanna be seen with you. I don't love muscles, but I love yours....faces and bodies don't match's sad. Manscaping is very necessary. I hear too many I love you but don't see enough demonstrations of it...makes me sad cause I don't want to become that jaded to hearing it. You're not handsome, not sexy, our shoe game is wack, and how are u filming a video when you have no album or label? Are we still doing this in 2011? Whys your girl look like your mom? I'm a sucker for a dope COUPLE, look fly together, that's sexy. I'm not afraid to give compliments. I don't like giving you too much of my attention, you take it wrong every time...i like u as a friend, but ur dick pics are gross, theres only one i like lookin at lol.... if you spell "guap" wrong u don't have any... just saying. Actually the most materially (is that a word, no its not) wealthy people i know don't care about FB pics. take note.....your shoes cost a G, but whats your bank account look like? Stop texting me. I'm dead ass starting to ignore texts for 2012. Try me if you want to. I don't mean to hurt your feelings i really don't...but you've been careless with mine for so long...i find myself no longer giving a fuck. That over head camera angle works wonders. lol. Being pretty isn't a substitute for brains... you're not mixed with 15 diff nationalities, stfu. Stop trying so hard to be "exotic". YOU DON'T...i repeat DON'T have any haters...disagreeing with your bullshit dosent make me a hater. I swear some of ya'll just want "yes men" around you...miss me with that. I need the kind of people around me that will call me on my bullshit. Cause i KNOW i be on it sometimes lol. Dead ass...i'm awesome, like legitimately never knew me, and now i know why... you'd have never been able to understand me....have a life outside of me please...i don't want to be your wont be mine, just saying. Stop being so damn accessible....does every deep breath you take have to be followed with tweet and pic? I'm not anti weave, I'm anti BAD weave...dudes still lie on their dick? Does it matter where you got your purse from....? hair done, nails done...but you're dumb. You've got bad taste in really bad. Ignore a bbm from me and it'll be the last one you get. Stop talkin about my bottom lip, its low key creepy...creep. Womens bodies are sexy as shit,...There needs to be a state that comes with the views and peacefulness of LA, but the pace and grit of NY...contradiction...if i could find both I'd move today. 2012 I'm not gonna speak on it...just watch. I LOVE you to death...but you don't know nearly as much as you think you do and listening to you talk is low key annoying...but i DO love u lol. if you cant keep a man...ever...chances are its not always them....i can help you but you're too set in your ways... you're SO judgmental...biggest turn off ever. I'm letting fewer and fewer people get close as I get older...i'm not antisocial...just protecting my investment....i want you to hear me , but I'm afraid to let you....on second thought i don't think we were ever really friends....

I'm gonna stop this here, because i went much longer than intended...but it felt good.

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