White flag...

Ever have those "fuck it I don't care anymore" moments...I'm stuck in one now, and I feel like I'm gettin pulled deeper and deeper into that. I don't like it, I've been fighting it...but today...hopefully just today ....I don't have it in me. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs until I collapse from the sheer exhaustion alone...

I'm fighting to LIVE life the way it should be lived...obstacles come, they happen to everyone...but I'm getting to the point where I don't remember NOT fighting...weather it's money, travel, happiness, career...I'm tired. I'm tired of the constant uphill that my life has become over the past 5 years...I'm stronger than I ever knew I was, but I've gotten so tired of trying to be strong all the time, if I don't bend soon I'm going to break...this is the first time in a long time that just giving up has even been a thought for me.

Guess Im becoming aware of the fact that its a constant struggle...for me to be happy, thinking back I don't think it used to be. It's harder than anyone can imagine until they've felt it for themselves...to have that constant, struggle, constant aloneness...I think that's the one that's pulling at me...the alone....I ended up getting real emotional the other night...behind the simplest comment..."you look so happy in that pic" and I sat and looked at it...and he was right I did. But those kinds of pics, those moments...are so far between...it shook me a little. I don't have pics with that kind of happiness, laughter, etc...here. I flipped through my phone, through my galleries, none...mad me so sad ..."sigh. It feels like a losing battle,I'm exhausting so much energy and I'm not moving...and today...I'm tired...of everything.

 

It's never been me to just give up, it's never been me to just throw in the towel...tired of fighting to live my life, and just letting it live me...if that makes sense...I'm sad...as simple and as elementary as that sounds. Its most accurate. I'm sad...with moments of happiness thrown in, while for the rest of the world it's usually the other way around. Funny thing is I'm almost positive...NO ONE knows how deep it goes...my closest of close friends...my family...not a soul. I find myself looking in the mirror differently than I used to...I don't look at my face...I look at my eyes.

It's one of those cute cliche quote...the eyes are the windows...etc etc. I know how sad I really am down deep...sometimes I wonder if my eyes show that when you really look. I don't think so. Funny, he calls me bright eyes...has for years. I knew why originally. They don't look very bright to me anymore...makes me wonder what I look like to the rest of the world...

Content, pretty, happy, ... Goes to show, you never really know...

 

Falling Stars...

This makes me sad...Not cuz she was some great talent or some amazing beauty, but just because I always found her cute. Natina Reed from the R&B group Blaque (Founded by TLC's Left Eye R.I.P) also acted in Bring it On.







I mean celebs on any scale are essentially just people like you and me, but I guess when they fall it always makes me wonder what went wrong? Traveling the world, albums, movies, awards, money...

I guess from my point of view I don't see how/why...you'd let that happen. But thats just me. Either way I came across this article and it really made bothered me...I couldn't tell you why...it has me feelin some kind of way...maybe cuz she's just my age...maybe cuz she's got a baby...I don't know...But I had to post.

All info found on Bossip.com

BOSSIP has exclusively learned that Natina Reed from Left Eye’s (R.I.P.) R&B girl group Blaquewas arrested in Georgia recently for cocaine possession and prostitution.

Natina Reed, 29, formerly of the group Blaque, was arrested on April 13, 2010 in Gwinnett County, Georgia and charged with cocaine possession, disorderly conduct, and prostitution.




Used to love this long...I know the story isn't new...but it's new to me. Hope she's doing better and get's it together fast if she already hasn't...don't need another Maiya Campbell story...


Deuces.

Wtf- ism.....of the Day.

This was my exact convo with my boy (ahem') Via text..

Him : Hey to you too...

Me: Um, Random....Hi how are u?

Him: chillin thanks for responding THIS TIME. You didnt reply to my forward

INSERT HERE :I don't do forwards, I think they're wack as hell. I stopped doing those in like 02'

Me: I was at work and I don't usually respond to forwards. You took that personal?

Him: Yeah but you couldve made an exception cuz it was me...

INSERT HERE: Exception to WHAT exactly...

Me: Well it was a FORWARD so I thought you sent that out to everyone not just me.

Him: I don't send messages out to everyone about huggin them...what I look like a bisexual?

INSERT HERE: MY blank stare... :-| and before I could text back...

Him: I'm NOT!!!

INSERT HERE:Whoa kimosabe...U sure abt that...Cuz I'm not all of a sudden *raised eyebrow*

Me: Umm....bisexual? No (not til now) I just didn't think I was the only girl you sent it to

Him: You my babygirl OK?

INSERT HERE: What just happened?...Something you wanna share my dude? Now this is when i ask myself WHY I'm even entertaining this madness...had to be due to IMMENSE boredom at work.

Me: ...uh...well sorry I didnt respond.

Now....WHEN exactly did dudes become this sensitive and butt-hurt acting?!

This shyt is Soooooooooooooooooooo not cute!

OK don't get me wrong, I love a man that can express himself properly when his emotions come into play. Be it through actions, or verbally. Nothing more attractive than a man that can EXPRESS how he feels about u.

But this shyt right here?! COME ON!!!!

SMDH. So after a little more back and forth random banter...

Me: Well I'm at work sooo...

Him: I would give u a nice body massage when u got home and a nice bubble bath. I would bathe you and put u in your night clothes on for my hard working queen

INSERT HERE :Me gaggin, cuz aside from that being all kinds of grammatically wrong, It was wack as hell...smh


ME: Awwww ( didn't know what the hell else to say to that)

Him: I like to see you smile. (Did I say I was smiling?)I remember your smile

Me: OK look at u tryin to make me blush... ( yeah i was bullshittin slightly, but so what? )

Him: Y would u say that?! y don't u think i care for you as much as I do?! y is that so hard for you to notice?!


INSERT HERE: Um...WHAT?! Wait...did he just come at me on some real emo shyt!? Is this what its all about now?!

Me: um...u ok? I was jokin...

Him: O, OK baby


INSERT HERE: Now this is just ONE convo I chose to share.But this madness has been QUITE common for 09'. So Color me confuzuled.


I've been encountering all kinds of madness when it comes to the gentlemen this year. And I'm not quite sure what is causing it. Venus in retrograde? Jupiter aligned with Mars? Some other such tom-foolery...Or just one big huge practical joke that EVERYONE but me is in on?

Guys...I love ya'll. I truly do. My closest friends in the world actually are guys ( aside from my mommy :). I'm a sap.)

Anyway...PULL YOUR PANTIES UP!! THIS SHYT ISN'T SEXY IN THE LEAST! Ya'll are coming off just a hair too bitchtastic for my taste...
....aaaaaaaaaaaaaand exhale...

I just had to vent and get that off my chest.

Peace!

Man-Up?

The web is buzzin abt Ne-Yo's tears at his Manchester show...The clip is posted in case you haven't already seen it.




Now I can't see anyone truthfully watching that and callin that man a punk. Grow up! A punk?!




Any man passionate about his craft to have it affect him in that way, will never be a punk in my eyes.

People can be so judgemental at times...His response to the net/bloggers/anyone else that had some slick shyt to say is posted below also...

It always amazes me how fickle fans can be, and how QUICK people are to judge u the second they see a moment of weakness...I'd MUCH rather stay behind the scenes ANY day of the week.

Kudo's to Ne-yo...


His response from Global Grind


I'm currently on tour in the UK. This tour began right after a 4 month stint in Prague shooting a world war 2 movie. We're in a different city in a different part of the UK every night, moving non stop. Since my first album, roughly 5 years ago, I've taken 1 vacation, and even that was about 2 years ago.

Basically, I have an issue with not knowing when to say enough is enough, so last night in Manchester, my body said it for me.
I got on stage energized and ready to go, even tho for the last 5 days I've been dealing with a sinus infection. I paid it no real mind, and kept on going, like I always do. My voice couldn't take it. From the first song I knew something was wrong. I shoulda stopped there, but I come from a school where no matter what, the show must go on. It wasn't until about 4 songs in that I came to the painful realization that my voice was done, literally nothing left, and that I would have to stop the show.

Now let me explain something to you:
When I say this music, that stage, my fans, THIS is my life, I'm not saying it cause it sounds good in a sound bite. THIS IS MY LIFE!! Not much else matters to me, honestly.
My music, my family and the people that appreciate my music.....the fans. THAT'S ABOUT IT!!
I've never had to stop a show, never dreamed I'd ever have to. So when I had to walk out on that stage and tell 12,000 of the people responsible for making me who I am that I could not perform for them, it literally broke my heart.
I cried harder than I have in a very long time with no shame whatsoever.

To anyone out there that would like to question my manhood because of this I'll say this to you:
If the one thing you cared about more than anything else in the world was threatened or even taken from you, if you knew that the people you cared for the most you had to disappoint and it was your fault... and this didn't spark some kind of emotional outbreak within you...then with no shame I'll say you are truly a stronger man than I.

To the people of Manchester, know that I love you and I thank you for being so understanding and supportive. And I promise you that you will receive the show deserved.
Thanks to the fans for the love and concern.

And to the bloggers....go to hell.

Sincerely, Ne*Yo!!

Punk? I think not...

Deuces.