Monday, June 22, 2009

"Have an affair, act like an adult for once"...

Now before I get into this blog ( cuz it has the potential to get long) I just wanna say I don't endorse infidelity...I'm just playin "Devil's Advocate" on this topic. I've had a few convo's this week all separate and all on this topic and I found it pretty interesting...

The way of the world/our society is monogamy. 1 guy, 1 girl...yadda yadda etc etc...As u make the transition from "talkin" to "dating" to "that's my man/girl" to "wifey", to "engaged" to "married"...The monogamy requirement increases. My first question to my blog followers is...How realistic do u think this notion is? I mean before you answer that...Everyone knows that as people get older and grow they change as people. So keep that in mind as u respond.

My first convo on the topic was in NY with my boy...He's got a girl he's feelin pretty hard (though he doesn't wanna admit it) But He was kinda doin his own thing before he met her. You know how that goes. Anyhoo...He's slowing down a bit since he's feelin "the new chick" but he's had these on going "arrangements" prior to gettin with her. So his statement to me was..."I'm always gonna have those "arrangements" with said women, even if "new chick" became my girl.

So of course I was curious..

So you have an..."understanding" with these other women (2 to be exact) That it's not a relationship's really just a sexual "understanding". You'll have "new chick" at home. That's your main...but if one of ur "ahem..."understanding's" call...then its cool. No harm no foul. (to him)

Now he's not married, not engaged, really just dating/entering a relationship...But of course you KNOW "new chick" isn't aware of these "understanding's". And although I didn't ask, I'm sure the concept of her having some "understandings" of her own is out of the question...unless she keeps that to

So moving on....Situation 2..My boy actually called and woke me up this morning cuz he said he had a question. So He was having a convo with the fellas and they were basically talkin about that point when u decide to propose. They said that since youre committing yourself to one 'ahem vagina for the rest of your life...all bets are off right up until the wedding. So basically they're saying...get all the ass u can get til you say "i do". Cuz once u say "i do" its a done deal...

Now this was also kinda interesting to me...My boy's question to me ...was "do women go on a spree of their own prior to the wedding" I told him in my opinion no...Once we decide we want to MARRY you, We don't view it as "one penis forever". (Well not ALL of us) Men view it was a life sentence, while women tend to view it more as a new beginning (in my opinion...)

So he was really like "wow" i thought both parties involved were going on (his words) "a fuckin spree" before the wedding...I was like Gross.

So he said ok, he was takin this info back to the fellas because according to him...they felt the women / brides-to-be were doin the same thing! and he's be callin me again later..( so there may be a part 2)

Now situation number 3 is from yet another convo....In a nutshell,(cuz this is gettin long) guy likes girl girl is kinda feelin guy...both are in "situations" as T.I put it lol. But neither care. Once again another "understanding" i guess...

So i guess I'm wondering how realistic the concept of "fidelity" is anymore. With so many "open marriages" arrangements" situations" etc etc it's seeming like the whole world is becoming alot more accepting of the "don't ask don't tell" approach to relationships.

Will & Jada are rumored to have one...and regardless of how much you dispute it, i think EVERYONE has a certain someone in their life...where...relationship or not...If THAT person wanted it....they could get it. I'm just sayin...

Now I do remember back in the day when I played those kinda games...(you all have so don't judge me). You know the stuff u see in old music

You're out with ur dude and u see side give each other that "understanding" nod, cuz he's out with his chick too...

So many artists have written about this, (Alicia Key's "Mr. Man", Pleasure P "Boyfriend #2", Tweet "Call Me") I could go on...but u get me... so many videos depict this scene...just makes me wonder...

So feedback people...once again let me say ..I"m a HOPELESS romantic and kinda old school in alot of ways when it comes to I'm just wondering...In this day and age am I the one who's out of touch...?



downlow said...

I think you'll always have people who are used to gettin' it in whenever, no matter that they have a "serious relationship." I can't say what I would have done if my man hadn't cheated and made me feel like it was the end of my world, but once he took it there, I felt the need to do the same--not for revenge, but to boost my self esteem. What a lame excuse, right?

DollFace said...

Nah that's actually a more common reason than u think. But i feel u...I guessed when it becomes a way of life its more like a "habit" than anything else.

Best You Ever Had said...

I'm confused! You clearly stated that you do not endorse indfidelity but say that everyone has that person they will always give it to.

(I'm not trying to come at you in anyway just trying to understand how the two fit)

As for your boy you need to ask him if new chick is definitely a keeper then why continue with the "arrangements"? Are they worth the risk?

WE ALL KNOW new chick has no clue of these arrangements biut suppose new chick does have her own set of arrangements. WOuld he accept and be honest about his arrangements?

Wouldn't it be easier to be honest about the relationship you want to have?

As for the "common reason" as to why people cheat is lame. Think about it, at the end of the day, you gave something and only lesser yourself as a person. You didn't do it because it was something you been had desires on. You did it because he/she did it, so now you have intents that aren't really your intentions.

Best You Ever Had said...

LOL you have to talk to your boy and get back to us viewers :-)

DollFace said...

@ Best You Ever Had, Everyone (imo) DOES have a person that's their weakness. I didn't say I was in a relationship (I'm not cheating on anyone). I do have a certain person that's my "soft spot" has been for years, I just choose not to ACT on that when I'm in a relationship.

But anyhoo, I appreciate the feedback ALWAYS.

As for my boy, he's been cheated on and he's had his heart broken. So he's got monogamy issues (not an excuse) but its part of why I think he need's the keep his "arrangements". I think they're more of a safety net than anything else.

Honesty is always the easiest route in a relationship just dosent always seem to be the first choice.

As far as the "common reason" I didnt say it was RIGHT i said it was common, revenge/spite never better u or the situation. But it is behind what CAUSES alot of ppl to react.

I'll keep you posted

Best You Ever Had said...

Lol I'm glad to know that you are not one to keep that special arrangement going while in a relationship. Just goes to show you're not greedy or selfish.
However, your boy needs to figure himself out. What happened to him in the past shouldn't move forward into the future. He will whined up messing up a good thing one day if he keeps on that track. Trust me a "fucking spree" or "arrangements" won't help in moving forward towards happiness. That safety net will whined up holding him back.

Smh speak to your boy. He needs good and positive guidance/advise.

I'm here, so keep posting.

DollFace said...

I feel u, we've had the monogamy convo before. I feel like nothing will make him slow down before HE"S ready to. Dunno what it'll take but when the times right and the girl's right I'm sure (well i HOPE) He'll realize what he has and do the right thing to hold on to her. ;-)