Shook me to my bones...

Ok so I was at work yesterday (I work at a studio). It was Me, Shawn and Terrye. A lady walked up and inquired about doing a photoshoot. I asked Shawn to give her some info. This woman has to be 75 years old literally. She was real frail, real shakey, so Shawn took her into the back and started doing her makeup. When Terrye went in to start shooting her pictures, Shawn came up and told me the woman was a lil...I don't wanna say "off". Well she was just very very OLD. So anyway, Terrye finished the shoot and we had to edit, so she left. I watched her walk out and she looked so confused, just so lost...And the crazy part is ...that as crowded and as hectic as it was yesterday she was alone. I kept thinking "this lady looks like she can barely walk through a crowd let alone drive a car."

So I waled out to get something to drink for me and Terrye, Shawn said see if you see her walking around out there anywhere. So I said ok. I stopped at Chic-fil-a, got us some drinks and some fries for me...and I saw the woman sitting at a table by herself with a little drink and some fries.

When I got back in the studio Shawn asked if I'd seen her out there. I said yeah she's eating. She was like "Alone...thats so sad." She was right though...when I asked her what the lady was taking pics for she said she just wanted a picture of herself. She had lost her husband in 1991, and they'd never had kids together. So she's 79 (i found that out later) And 100% alone. This woman had no one...the thought almost makes me tear up right now thinking about her. I mean I thought about...what if that was MY mom, or what if that was ME...

No kids, no siblings, no husband...she lives alone. That thought shook me so hard. This woman was taking a pic of herself and she had no one to even give it to. "sigh
I don't know if I'm coming across right typing this, but I felt...almost scared for her.

I mean, who does she call when she needs something? Who will notice if something happens to her?

Thats so scarey to me. I sat with her, showed her her pictures, let her pick out the one she wanted and ordered it for her...all the while thinking I just want someone to come help her...Come drive her home, or come help her find the bus.

We were all pretty quiet in there for a bit after she left...I guess we were all thinking all those "what if's" that pop into your heard when you hear about things like that.

I had to come straight home and call my mom. Be thankful for what you have and who you have around you...Some people REALLY and TRUELY aren't that lucky. Just take a second to think...what if you had NO ONE?

Peace.

Tie My Hands

My addiction right now...

It Burns...

You ever love so hard it makes your chest burn? Ever felt like you mightve lost that?
Dosent the thought make you totally nauseous?!
"Sigh..my heads throbbing.

And whats worse...the one person that can get you out of feeling this way is the one that got u there to start with? Wtf!?

Talk about fighting a losing battle...My heart hurts, my soul hurts...Ever wonder where the word heart-break comes from? All it takes is for you to feel it one time and you'll know.

Im listening to depressing shyt right now floating somewhere between fear, anger, hurt, and confusion.

I want to talk to him so bad...I mean I'm fighting the whole "pick up the phone" thing. Not because I don't want to talk, but because A. I feel like it may really be a wrap, and B. Because I think we're both too fired up to do anything but make it worse.

Sux ass...it really does. I mean..I'm speechless....in a sense.

I dont know what to think, to feel, or to do...I'm like on pause.

But this pain I'd never wish on anyone...not my worst enemy. It's that deep...

The plan for tonight is to go home..get on my couch, with my depressing ass music, a bottle of wine, and a blanket. I oddly enough don't want to cry...(but the nights young) Think, think, think some more, see if he calls although im 75% sure thats not happening.

Wow...yeah it burns. Burns real real bad.

Peace.

Word Vomit...

Random interjection...I watched "Mean Girls" for the gillionth time the other day. I absolutely ADORE that movie.

Moving right along. It's FREEZING, I'm not blogging on specifics right now. I'm just in the mood to type. I was talkin to my Kimmers today on IM ( I know 3 Kim's) this Kim is my NYCDOPEDIVASHOPPINGCLONESUPERM.I.L.FHOMIE. So yeah ...we were doing the whole online shopping thing. My Laptop is very FIRST on my list, and then of course there are like 4 pairs of shoes I must have...I swear I'm destined for greatness. I must be, how else am I gonna be able to afford this nasty shopping habit I seem to have.

Aside from that I was on ebay ( of course) I'm a full believer in everyone "collecting" something...ANYTHING really. I think it keeps u kinda sane.
I have 3 main things I truly do collect.

My Little Pony's (the vintage ones only pls.)
Fafi anything, lol
and alot of Tokidoki stuff...

If u dont know what those are ur 1. Lame as all Hell and need to get out of the house stat! and 2. Need to just look it up!

My reading room is gonna consist of all these collectibles. I don't really know what I'm going to do with all this "stuff" once I get done...maybe pass it on to my daughter if I'm lucky enough to have one... But for now I just enjoy looking at it.

DEUCES til next time Bitches!!

Deep???

Ok so I feel like I'm in a place right now where I'm learning myself all over again. I guess sometimes it makes me feel a lil scattered and a lil crazy to think about answering the question "Who am I". I mean I know so many "Deep" people...that can talk for hours about who they are and what they're about. The thought alone of trying to do that is so overwhelming to me!! How am I supposed to tell you who I am? Am I supposed to have all that figured out? I'm so many different things, what one term or phrase fits?!
I'm not JUST any one thing...
I'm hood, but I'm prissy
I'm a tomboy, but I'm girly,
I'm a lover AND a fighter
And jealous, but aloof
I'm quiet, but I'm opinionated
I"m silly, but I'm serious
I'm sweats and converse, but I'm heels and tight jeans
I'm hardcore, but I'm a softy
I'm a hopeless romantic, but a stone-cold realist

Dosen't that sound confusing!?

I'm R&B on a rainy day, or blasting hip-hop with my car windows down.

So when you break it down...does it make sense?!

Truly part of me says it dosent even matter if it does. At the end of the day who has to understand me....?

Answer: Shyt I gotta understand me!!

I guess I understand that I don't make sense, lol.

For some reason I guess it just seems like the rest of the worlds got it, while I'm sitting here scratching my head. Maybe it just looks like that because I'm on the outside...no idea what everyone else is thinking. And I'm pretty sure I APPEAR to have it aaaaaaaaaaaall together.

HA!, lol

Mannn...I guess I'll get it one day...or maybe never. Maybe its not terrible if I never do.

A Day in the Life...

Ok so I'm just getting started...Im not a "blogger" and I kinda got the urge to start. I have so much going on on a day to day basis. I feel like A. I need to get it out, and B. I"m pretty damn intruiging if I do say so myself. (tee-hee). Ok so yeah. This is post 1.

Over and out Bitches!